


Impossible

by Anasilan



Series: Dragon Age One-shots and Shorts [1]
Category: Dragon Age Inquisition - Fandom
Genre: Anger, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Death of main characters, F/M, Heavy Angst, Loss of Pride, Post Trespasser, Sadness, Unethera, child of the inquisitor, inspired by song lyrics, it’s all angst, sollavellan hell, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23205997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anasilan/pseuds/Anasilan
Summary: New Arlathan is rising, but at great cost to the rest of Thedas. Solas guides the Elvhen in regaining their history, magic and lives, but did not foresee the end of his Din’Anshiral would be so painful.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Female Lavellan, Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Solas/Female Inquisitor, Solas/Female Lavellan
Series: Dragon Age One-shots and Shorts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668820
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> This made me cry when I wrote it. But, after hearing the song Impossible, sung by Shontelle, all I could hear was my Inky singing or writing the lyrics to Solas. So sad story is sad. And now I am sad.
> 
> Comments, kudos are welcome! They are the lifeblood and help when writers have been feeling like their writing is crap and they shouldn’t bother anymore. I sincerely apprise I ate you reading this sad, angst filled one-shot.
> 
> Also... unbetaed, so any mistakes are my own.

The forest of Arlathan was quiet. There were the faint rustling of animals moving and birds chirping, but other than that, he was alone. This far in he could not hear the sounds of building or the songs and voices of The People as they rebuilt what had once been theirs. He flitted between the shadows and dappled sunlight, his thoughts elsewhere. In his hand he held a report, he hadn’t been able to put it down since it had arrived two weeks previously, and although he had searched the fade day and night, he had not been able to find her.

For twenty five years he had watched over her from afar. Knowing she lived, and was yet far from his touch. After their last encounter at Halamshiral she had learnt to hide from him in the Fade, and with the power granted to her from Mythal she had managed to shroud Skyhold, giving protection to those who had lived there and forcing out anyone who were discovered to be working for him. The only news he had was when she left the fortress, and all the news had been the same.

“Kaira Lavellan has left the keep and is travelling towards Haven” was all he ever received.

This new report was different however. He leant against the tree and read it over again.

“Fen’Harel,

The barrier around Skyhold has fallen, and the keep is empty. Upon investigation it was discovered that there were headstones placed in the garden and the newest one read “Cullen Stanton Rutherford – husband and father. Laid low by the hubris of another. May he and his daughter be welcomed into the arms of the Maker.”

There is no news of Lavellan at this time. Skyhold looks like it has been abandoned for months.”

He had prowled the edges of Skyhold time after time, trying to penetrate the barrier. Knowing that the one he loved was on the other side. He had hoped against hope that the fact he had built Skyhold and imbued it with his magic that the fortress would allow him entry, but it had not. Even after the Veil had fallen and the other races of Thedas had disappeared between the dawn of one day and the next, he had still held onto hope that she would emerge and forgive him. In his own hubris, he had believed it was so.

Ironically, it had been the sudden lack of cups of tea at the base of his statues that had warned him that something was not right. She knew he hated tea. Somehow she had managed to place them at the base of his statues without his guards noticing anything. Always in the same kind of cup, replicas of the ones he’d used during his Inquisition stay.

He leaned against the great oak tree and looked through the forest, hoping that some news would come to him. He missed her, her light, her laugh, her optimism. Her riot of curly red hair and those laughing green eyes. Her freckles. He missed everything. Even though he had not been able to see her, she had been his corner stone and his lifeline, and now that he had succeeded in his plans, he had come to understand that he had done it in the wrong way. Yes, the Elvhen were free, but it had come at great cost. He should have listened to her, and found another way.

There was the sound of a branch snapping behind him and a snap of fade magic, making him twirl to face the noise, not expecting to see a darkly cloaked man walking towards him, stopping several metres away. He could feel their eyes on him and the waves of sadness that radiated from him.

“An’daran atish’an, stranger.” He spoke softly. The stranger just shook his head and reached up, pushing the hood from his face. Solas gasped. Looking back at him was himself. Though this version of himself was taller, broad shouldered and had thick red dreadlocks flowing down his back, and hard, piercing green eyes. At his waist, was buckled a Templar sword, the hilt decorated with a roaring lion, and his forehead and cheek bones were decorated with the vallaslin of Mythal.

“You are not a hard person to find, Fen’Harel.” His voice was deep, and he spoke with a mixed Fereldan and Free Marches accent.

“I have no reason to hide, Da’len.” Solas stepped closer, fascinated by the young man in front of him. As he stepped closer he recognise his life signature and knew absolutely, that the young man in front of him was his son. “Who are you?”

The man rolled his eyes, and Solas felt his heart contract at the familiar gesture. Kaira had done the same thing when she felt that who ever she was talking to, was stupid.

“You can’t tell. I guess her opinion of you really did cloud her judgement.” He closed his eyes, a look of pain across his familiar features and he sighed.

“My name is Fennas Lavellan, son of Kaira Lavellan, son of Cullen Rutherford and The Dread Wolf, Fen’Harel. Brother to Eliana Rutherford. All of whom have passed into the hands of the creators.”

Solas’s eyes flew up to his, and saw the pain barely held in check.

“Kaira is…”

“My mother died after using her magic for 23 years to protect those living in Skyhold from the fall of the veil. She died a broken woman, split between two worlds and two loves. One she loved with every part of herself even as he broke her heart and the other who was steadfast with his love and loyalty until she could no longer hold back the veil and it destroyed him, my sister and my mother. My human father and sister. The people who I loved almost as much as my mamae.

I watched your people scour Skyhold when the barrier fell and I followed them here, so I could give you this. I found it in her desk.” He held out an envelope, the edges of it darkened with age and he gave the elf before his a look of derision and disgust. “I hope it brings you the peace, she was denied, Dread Wolf.”

Solas reached for the envelope, looking down at the flowing script on the front. The man in front of him turned, his duty done and started to walk away. Solas stood silent, his heart in his throat.

“She is buried beside the man who loved her, and the daughter she adored.” He spoke softly and began to walk away.

“Wait!” Solas’s voice cracked. “You don’t have to go. Is there…”

“NO! There is nothing you can do, Dread Wolf. You’ve done enough. You took everything from me before I was even born. So, go back to your towers, your magic, your elvhen. Go back to what you wrought. I want nothing to do with you or them. I… just want my family back. I walk the Din’Anshiral, and as you well know, that is a solo path.” The anger and bitterness in the young man’s voice made Solas stagger backwards. Fennas pulled his hood back over his head and between one breath and the next disappeared in a flash of green light.

Solas looked down at the letter again and slid his fingers over the words… _Ma Vhenan,_ and with those same trembling tore the envelope open and read.

“Ma Vhenan,

This is the last time I will write, knowing and accepting that we will be forever apart. This morning, I will be marrying Cullen, a steadfast and loving man, all the while knowing that I am the only thing between him and death. Our child grows beneath my heart, a sister for Fennas, the son you know nothing about.

All around us, we hear stories of the rise of New Arlathan, but I can not celebrate it. It’s built on the lives of those you destroyed. I am trapped in Skyhold, and can only leave for short periods of time, to gather supplies from the elvhen settlement near Haven. I am using the power granted to me by Mythal and my own life source to protect those I love. I tried to tell you about Fennas at Halamshiral, but, you were too caught up in your plans and did not hear me.

When I was young, Deshanna told me to have caution when it came to love, and I did until I met you. You were strong and I wasn’t. I gave in and grew to love an illusion of the person I wanted to be with. That was my mistake. I was careless.

But now, here I am writing a letter you will never see, when in reality there is nothing to say, you left so effortlessly and you have won, taking the lives of everyone I loved with you. So, live your life. Dance, sing, make merry, study, brood and know that once I was happy, but my heart is broken and that all my scars are open. That I know what we had and what I wished was impossible.

Falling out of love is hard, but I fell for betrayal which is harder. I built my world around you, building faith on love and words, that were all empty promises. Now that broken trust and my broken heart makes it hard to love someone who deserves it and deserves a life beyond these stone walls.

With the fall of the other races, my embarrassment over my foolish heart will fade as there is none alive but you who will remember it. Your great conquest over Thedas and the woman who was foolish enough to believe love would stop you from completing your path is complete.

I was wrong.

Have caution when it comes to love, Solas. I should have remembered that.

Kaira Lavellan-Rutherford.”

Solas collapsed onto the forest floor, a great howl breaking from his throat and echoing through the trees, silencing the animals and birds as his devastation splintered his world.

Gone. She was gone. She believed he had abandoned her easily. He had irreparably broken her, and she had continued to sacrifice herself for those she loved whilst he had sat in his gilded halls and celebrated the return of the elvhen, believing that one day she would appear and they could be together. But she had gone, drained of life, silent into the night. And he was truly alone. The final results for his Din’Anshiral. His greatest fear.

He staggered to his feet, stumbling in the still light of early evening towards the glowing towers of New Arlathan and to the central courtyard at the base of his home. There he drew in all the power and magic he could contain and built a giant, gleaming marble statue, spinning it into existence from nothing. She, his Kaira, his vhenan now stood, her features etched forever in stone, smiling, holding the hand of a small elvhen boy. Beneath it sat a plaque, which read: “Kairi Lavellan-Rutherford. Inquisitor, Protector, Mother and Vhenan. Gone to the creators because of the hubris of another, the one who should have protected and loved her.”

Opening the ground at her feet, he created a small room, veil fire braziers on two walls above a solid marble bench. With great care he sealed the room and restored the courtyard pavement to their original positions before lying down on the bench and closed his eyes. His job was done, and he no longer wished to live in a world without her light. He would go back to sleep and hope that he would find her in the fade and find forgiveness.


End file.
